4 Keys To Know If Your Partner Empathizes With You
Without adequate empathy, there is no emotional contact, there is no recognition and authentic reciprocity is not formed in the couple.
To a greater or lesser extent, most of us handle various psychological terms on a daily basis and, therefore, it is strange that there is someone who does not know what empathy is or who has not heard of this very basic term in the field of relations.
However … What if we told you now that there are some people who have a distorted or even wrong concept on the subject?
To begin with, empathizing with someone does not exclusively mean knowing how to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It is something much more complex, more intimate and that, in turn, requires a type of performance and behavior where one is not left alone with the feeling, with the perceived emotion.
In addition to that, conduct must be applied, action must be set in motion. Because, at the couple level, it is not enough to know that the spouse suffers. Empathizing is also knowing how to give an effective response, according to a specific need.
Next we will develop different theories about what level of empathy exists in an affective relationship. And if this is really useful to strengthen the bond, trust and the needs of each member.
There are 3 types of empathy: do they all apply?
To understand empathy in a comprehensive way, it is necessary to discover what its main components are, and what dynamics characterize it. Thus, it will be very useful for us to discover what 3 types of empathy we must put into practice on a day-to-day basis.
- Emotional. “I feel what you feel.” It is to perceive the suffering in the other, it is to notice their joy, it is to read their concerns, it is to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and to know what things are hurting them.
- Cognitive. “I understand what you are going through.” It is not only about feeling, but showing the other an authentic understanding. Understanding what has triggered such a thing and why it has caused that effect on you.
- Compassionate “I know you suffer, I know why you suffer and I want to help you, I want you to feel good.” In this case there is a real desire for the spouse to be well, happy, calm, satisfied.
Feel what the other feels, but without judging
Let’s take an example to understand this idea much more. Elena has come home very late from work, she has had a bad day and feels exhausted, wanting to cry.
When Sara, her partner, sees the expression on her face, she knows that things have not gone well for her. Feel their anxiety, their despondency… However, they fall into the easy judgment : “it ‘s that you take it all hard; is that everyone takes advantage of you; it is that you do not know how to impose yourself ”, etc.
In this case, we have one of the members of the couple who applies emotional empathy , but is not able to develop a useful and effective compassionate empathy that confers relief and helps the other person.
Empathy is also understanding the mistakes of the other, accepting that they are fallible, just like oneself
The happy, stable couple that knows how to grow in a common project is also the one who knows how to understand and empathize with the failures of the other. For example: “I understand that you have failed in that project you had in mind, I know what you have tried and I understand how you feel. You have been wrong to trust these people, and maybe even I would have failed at the same. “
This type of empathy, the one that knows how to understand that people are not perfect, that relationships are not always going to be easy, is the one that is most useful. The one that helps the most when investing in that project between two people.
Be receptive to all the emotions of the other
There are people who do not dare to cry in front of the couple. They do not express their fears so as not to worry them. They do not tell them certain things for fear of how they can react, how they can take it.
- We must be clear about it, as long as there is the “fear” factor in a relationship, that bond is not authentic, satisfactory or healthy.
- A person must have total and absolute confidence to show everything he feels at all times with his affectionate partner.
- A couple is the union of two life partners who together can cope with anything.
Therefore, a person who shows adequate empathy is one with whom we can be ourselves at all times. Without fear of sharing any thoughts or emotions.
Empathy is a complex, broad concept that can be developed and worked on. Specifically in the field of relationships, one way to improve empathy is by speaking, sharing feelings and experiences and above all learning to listen.
It is highly recommended to also request psychological help, specifically if uncomfortable situations in a couple are repeated or if you are not able to reach satisfactory solutions for both parties.
