Above All Else, I Will Be The Hero Of My Own Story, Not The Victim

It is often said that in life you only have two options: be a hero or heroine or be a victim. However, you don’t have to go to these subtle extremes; it is enough, simply, to be yourself. Now, we also know that sometimes the complicated challenge of being yourself collides with the interests of others.

Coexistence is not easy but, despite the difficulties and possible disagreements,  we must never fall into the abyss of being victims of our own stories, of our personal maps.

The blows of life are what will teach us to be resilient. If we are not able to voice our needs and respond to our voids, we will be like castaways adrift in these difficult seas. So remember: always be yourself. Be the heroine of the story you want to tell your loved ones tomorrow.

Being a victim is an option, but it is not the best way

We will start by differentiating, in the first place, the victim from the victimhood. We are sure that throughout your relational experience you have met many of those people who make use of victimhood.

It is a really destructive type of manipulation and emotional management. They sharpen a type of attitude with which they project the guilt of everything that happens to them on others. Thus, for example, situations such as:

• They inflict a bad conscience on the loved one to make him feel guilty about almost everything.
• If they suffer from headaches and discomfort, it is because of the disappointments we cause them.

Victimism is a very effective form of control based on the nullification of others. “I make you feel bad and I make you feel guilty and, in this way, you lose your self-esteem. Your dignity is now under my dominion ”.

If these types of thoughts recur, it could be a serious problem that can destroy family environments and many relationships.

Having clarified this dimension, let us now see the situations in which the real victims live ; those who act with love and are destroyed despite their nobility.

When you stop being the protagonist and heroine of your own story

This reality is very common in women. There are many who, little by little, cease to be protagonists of their own lives. However, the most complex thing is that they do it out of love, out of affection for their loved ones. Let’s see some examples of this reality:

• We start a relationship and we give it our all.
• We have a family and we give everything for ours.
• We love those who give us their roots, as parents and siblings.

We do not realize it, but sometimes we focus all our energy, emotions, time and efforts on others until, after a few years, we discover something worrisome: they have become accustomed to always having us at their fingertips. At any time and at any time.

They take everything for granted, even you. You have no personal spaces left, you no longer have time for yourself and in the end, you are a victim of your own circumstances. You have done everything for love, but the love of others, sometimes, is selfish and suffocating. How to react to this type of situation?

You are a victim, but you can put on your armor and be a hero

You are a victim of lack of respect, of recognition; you suffer from the absence of affection, of kind words. You go looking around expecting something. You crave comfort, support, hugs and a “thank you for everything you do for me.”

If this is what you feel right now, it’s time to react. Victims have an “advantage”: they know what pain and suffering is in silence. The positive of all this is that you are aware of what you do not want.

Knowing our demons face to face helps us identify them much better

• If you know what you don’t want in your life, demand what you need.
• He wears new armor. It is not at all about raising a sword and breaking everything. It is not necessary to cut ties, relationships and those contexts in which we inhabit.

• The good warrior is wise and has a voice. Set limits; make it clear that you love them, but whoever loves also deserves dignity.
• Fight for your spaces. Defend those moments for yourself when you can rest and disconnect.
• If they ask you for a favor, you don’t have to demand it back later. What you ask for is recognition: you do it out of affection and affection should not be humiliated, let alone taken for granted.

To stop being a victim and become a heroine, nothing better than to sit down and write our own law on a sheet of paper. Make a list of things that you will no longer allow;  this should be your personal code from now on. Become the heroine of your own story.