How To Act When Your Partner Lies To You?

On In a relationship, be it dating or marriage, lies should have no place. Much less constantly. However, at some point in life, a situation may arise that makes one of the two have to hide certain information from the other. Therefore, it is normal that when the time comes you ask yourself how to act when your partner lies to you.

Keep in mind that each couple is different and that situations can be very varied. For this reason, there is no universal magic formula that can be applied equally to all cases at all times. However, it is possible to take into account some issues.

Lies should not be part of a relationship 

A relationship should be based on values ​​trust and honesty. Not only out of love, but out of respect for that person with whom you share life. Therefore, it is essential to care for and cultivate these values ​​in different ways on a daily basis and not only through specific gestures, such as an anniversary dinner or gift, for example.

If you discovered that your partner is lying to you, it’s normal for you to feel hurt and even outraged. It is also normal that you feel distrust and that it is difficult for you to deal with certain thoughts and emotions when interacting with your partner.

Depending on the situation and the lie, you will have to act one way or another. However, in general, you should try -as much as possible- to properly manage your thoughts, emotions and feelings.

Berating your partner every two by three, pretending to control his schedule and all his movements every minute or asking him to take a certain drastic measure are not ways to solve problems. On the contrary, it can generate more complications and increase the discomfort of all those involved.

Lies hurt. For this reason, you have to try to process and manage that pain in order to find a healthy solution and move on.

Revenge is not the answer

Resentment is one of the most damaging feelings in any relationship . It makes you focus solely on your pain and only keep in mind the fault that your partner committed and how much that makes you uncomfortable. This will complicate the task of turning the page and moving on.

Focusing on the past, in addition to being painful, will not benefit you at all, nor is it healthy for you. But how to act then?

You may want to resort to revenge and it goes through your head to want to pay in the same coin and make you experience the pain that you feel when your partner lies to you. This is not the solution. It may be that, if you do, at first you will have a certain feeling of satisfaction, but keep in mind that later you will only hurt your partner and it is very likely that you will feel worse later.

Nor can you should flaunt your moral superiority and pretend that your partner acts as you always want or as you hope he should. While it is true that you can expect reciprocity on issues of love, loyalty and honesty, in the end everyone expresses them in the way they know, want and can.

Be careful, it is not about justifying any fault with phrases such as “that is his way of expressing love …”. For example, a physical aggression or psychological abuse cannot be justified from this perspective. Therefore, it is not necessary to see everything black or white. 

• Do not be dominated by your expectations always.
• Don’t pretend to control all the ways in your partner.
• Avoid extremes: neither justify everything nor pretend that everything is done your way.
• Vanity and “moral superiority” are not good companions when it comes to solving problems. Much less as a couple.

What can you do if your partner lies to you?

Communication is very important in all relationships and it is essential that it be sincere. This is a powerful tool that will allow you -both you and your partner- to express concerns and others, as well as propose solutions and, of course, listen to the other party and seek a consensus.

Speaking with respect and sincerity can not only iron out rough spots on both sides, but also promote the growth of both on a personal level, which in turn can help them grow as a couple.

If your partner lies to you, talk to her. Be clear about what you feel and think, but always with respect. In this way, you will create a suitable environment for everyone to express themselves and to clarify various issues.

After you have talked, if you have reached a good resolution, it is important to start applying it little by little. For it  You should start by being a little more  receptive to the signs of commitment and honesty that your partner offers you.

It is also important that your partner shows interest in finding the best solution. Without this, you cannot really advance anywhere.

If you think you’ve tried everything and nothing is working, seeking the help of a professional therapist and counseling with your partner may be helpful. A therapist will provide you with tools with which you will regain confidence in both yourself and your partner.