The Passive-aggressive Person, A Great Manipulator: 3 Things You Should Know

The passive-aggressive person actually suffers from a personality problem.

According to this information from the Mayo Clinic, its main behavioral characteristics lie in continuous stubbornness, in reacting defiantly to the demands of others and always showing an attitude as negative as it is defeatist. Living with them is as complex as it is exhausting.

As always happens with personality, there are those who show fewer characteristics and there are those who accumulate them all. However, what is clear is that his capacity for manipulation is so skillful that he builds relationships always marked by great suffering and unhappiness.

It is possible that you are currently living with one of these people. You may even have a family member or co-worker with this type of disorder.

If so, it is advisable to know that there are coping strategies and adequate psychological therapies with which to reduce this negative and hostile behavior almost always caused by two very basic dimensions: anger and frustration.

Today in our space we propose you to know a little more about this type of people.

1. What characteristics does the passive-aggressive person present?

To begin with, something that we must be clear about is that not all people with this type of personality show each of the behaviors that we will detail below.

However, what does evidence the passive-aggressive person is a very skillful art when it comes to putting into practice a marked hostility covered with “sugar cubes” .

That is, they are capable of humanely hurting us by simulating affection when what is in the background is an express desire to humiliate, control or ridicule us.

These would therefore be the most basic characteristics.

• Passion for criticizing others. There is no reality, person or daily nuance that is free from a good criticism.
• When we really get to know them, we find that they are always unpleasant and irritated by something.
• However, when they want something from us they will not hesitate to be friendly, thoughtful and as warm as possible.
• They forget things expressly so as not to assume responsibilities.
• Everything they start is left halfway.
• They are cynical.
• They show a curious ability to blame others, even if the responsibility is theirs.
• They tend to be victims, they are the least valued, the least respected, the least happy …
• They hate authority.
• They reject the suggestions of others.

2. What is behind these types of personalities?

This is the first thing we think of. Why do they act this way if, in the long run, what they get is increased frustration and dysfunctional social relationships?

These would be some explanations:

• In general, they are people raised in families where proper emotional management is not practiced.
• They were not taught to channel anger, nor to vent anger.
• They have low self-esteem.
• Little by little they have realized that, by controlling others and assuming a position of power, their shortcomings are hidden.
• At the same time, at some point in their life they perceived that by displaying kind and loving behaviors they manage to get what they want.
• They do not know how to manage their negative emotions. Failure to do so intensifies their anger and the feeling that the world is unfair and no one understands them.

3. How to treat the passive-aggressive person

It is very possible that the first idea that comes to mind about how to “deal” with a passive-aggressive person is to run away from them. Well, it must be said that it is not appropriate. It is not for a number of reasons.

The first is that we may be the ones who suffer from it, and the second is that we cannot always or should not always flee from what is muddying us or is very complex for us.

Understand

• Thus, the first thing we must do is UNDERSTAND. Understanding the bases of this personality will help us a lot.
• The second is not to give in to their control. It is necessary that we put on the table the consequences of their actions and our refusal to give in to what we do not like or is not logical.
• We cannot forget that what nurtures the roots of the passive-aggressive person is low self-esteem. Therefore, one thing she fears more than anything is being alone.

Remember that you must not give in to them

We must be assertive with them, set limits, be reasonable and suggest correct options for their behavior.

• If you speak to me cynically, I will not trust you, respect me.

• If you are so negative, the only thing you will achieve is isolate yourself in your own fears.
• Instead of always looking for my flaws and criticizing me, show me that you are capable of seeing something good in me.

Propose that they seek professional help

The passive-aggressive person suffers from a marked inferiority syndrome, an immature management of their emotions and a very low self-esteem.

Nobody can be competent neither socially nor affectively with these deficiencies, with these limitations. Therefore, it is a priority that you gather the courage to ask for professional help. Cognitive behavioral therapy, for example, is highly recommended in these cases.

It is necessary to remember that the passive-aggressive person is not a patient, he is only someone who, behind his unpleasant armor and his manipulative behavior, hides a fragile being that must be helped.

Let us try, therefore, to take the step towards well-being, towards the clear will to want to improve through good therapy.