Toad Kissing Women, The “I’m Going To Change You” Trap

“I’m going to change you.” Does this statement sound familiar to you? Sure it is, since many more times than we think we try to do this with others.

But, without a doubt, it is in the couple where we most insist on carrying it out. However, if we succeed, bad, and if we do not, worse. Do you want to discover the reason for this inconsistency?

I’m going to change you, but I don’t like the result

Toad kissing women meet people who, for example, may have an addiction to alcohol or tobacco, are very attached to their parents, are lazy people, and so on.

These are some profiles that these types of women, and men, come across over and over again in order to achieve a great feat: I am going to change you. For them this is a great goal, a challenge. If they succeed, they think they will feel very good.

What happens when the person resists change? There are misunderstandings, many arguments, but there is still hope that all of this will change.

Therefore, the relationship can be maintained for a long period of time, at least as long as “the toad” endures. Because the toad-kissing woman won’t tire until she gets what she wants. It will not give up.

However, if he succeeds in changing the toad, something unforeseen will happen and that is that, in some cases, the woman will blame him that he always has to tell him what to do, that if it is not for her he does not change, that he does not have decision-making capacity …

Then the toad-kissing woman gets tired of the toad and leaves him. He has done his job, but he has not fulfilled it and his frustration projects it on that very manipulative toad. In reality, this woman likes resistance and living in that hope of “I’m going to change you.”

Model to our liking

We all come across toads we want to change. In fact, it is a constant in our life. If we love someone, if we start to feel attracted, instead of letting go, if there are things that we do not like or that we do not share with the other, we cling and fight so that everything works, even at the cost of changing. Do you really think it’s fair for someone to try to modify someone else so that they can fit in well ?

Think of a puzzle, surely you have ever done one. What happens when a part doesn’t fit? Do you cut it? Do you force it in? Do you crop it to match?

The truth is, no. You choose to keep looking for the one that best matches that gap. Well, that’s how we should proceed with people.

If you smoke and I don’t like that and it is an insurmountable limit that I have to be with someone, period. There is no need to tie yourself to try to change so that everything works as you would like. Because this will not satisfy you.

The fear of letting go, of losing

The reason we try to change the other is nothing more than fear. Fear of not finding another person or of missing this opportunity in which we feel attraction to someone.

There are many fears under this insistence of striving, suffering and fighting for a full and happy love. But love is not suffering, love is not something tedious and tiring. Love is either there or not, it is acceptance, it is understanding and freedom. There are many more puzzle pieces that are sure to fit better.

Why do we insist on forcing those who, no matter how much we hope or hope, will never take the form we seek?

Toad kissing women with the “I’m going to change you” try to adjust each piece to suit them . However, this never occurs, it will only be an illusion and, when the illusion falls, disappointment appears. Let’s learn to accept, to let go and not to hold onto something trying to change it.

Because no one changes, because no one deserves to be manipulated in this way and because, like us, others deserve to be who they are.